You all know what a sweet, meek and mild individual I am, right? Right. So it might surprise you to learn that some days ago I was incensed to the point where I ‘took on’ two men in Morrison’s.
My temper started to rise as I stood packing Richard’s extra strong deodorant and his horrible little pots of ‘spread.’ They claim to be beef, chicken, salmon, tuna and mayonnaise, etc. Weirdly, they all smell much the same – but then, why should I worry, the man eats anything with no concern for how many ears, fins and butts go into his choices of sustenance. I digress …
As I loaded up the twenty-toilet roll pack, balancing it precariously, with my eyes still on the little scene causing my anger, I flipped.
‘Look at those window salesmen!’ I hissed to the checkout lady. ‘Can you see them? Every time someone walks past that tall one jumps out and stands in front of the trolley and forces them into a conversation about buying their crap windows!’
‘I know,’ she said.
‘Can you see them? Look, they’ve stopped that little lady and she looks really uncomfortable.’
‘I know,’ she said.
‘Honestly,’ I said, ‘I’m going to give them a piece of my mind.’
‘I know,’ she said.
I don’t think she was really listening. Either that or she was wondering what anyone could want with six tubs of glace cherries?
As I scooted off, with a trolley that kept veering to the right, she added, ‘Good luck, I’ll be watching.’
Trundling along, actually seeking eye-contact should they not leap out on me like they had to everyone else attempting to exit Morrison’s, wrapped in their own little thoughts and not wanting to be disturbed by, ‘Have you thought about new windows?’ I approached. For a moment, I thought they weren’t going to stop me (how could that be?) so I slowed down.
The little guy sidled up to my trolley and the tall guy stepped in front of it and placed a hand on my pack of loo rolls. Big mistake.
‘Madam,’ the tall one said, grinning like a sodding shark, ‘have you considered new windows?’
‘And if I have?’ I said.
‘Well, we can offer …’
I held up a hand, cutting him off at the pass. ‘What makes you think that if I needed new windows I would buy them from someone jumping out in front of my trolley, in a supermarket? I come to the supermarket to buy food, NOT windows and NOT to be stopped by you!’
‘Some people like to stop and chat,’ he said, his grin not quite so wide now.
‘I don’t!’ I said, ‘and neither did those little old ladies that I saw you stop. I don’t come here to be pounced on by you.’
‘Madam, ‘he said, ‘we stand here so that we can get our product ‘out’ there. We have to network, perhaps you don’t understand the concept of networking and …’
Up came the hand again, very rudely, but he really was full of it. ‘Don’t tell me I don’t understand networking and promotion, I’m a writer…’ I actually said that and cringed inwardly ‘…I have to promote my product, but I don’t promote it HERE, do I? I don’t stop little old ladies and force them to buy something they don’t want, do I? You will never come in here and find me jumping into people’s airspace waving a copy of my book in their faces, will you!’
The little salesman was watching now, with the hint of a smile and having backed-up to the perfume display, and I was pretty sure that he wasn’t that keen on his workmate’s blatant selling ethics either.
‘Why do you do it?’ I demanded with my chin raised and jutting.
‘Well Madam, most people who shop are chilled and relaxed and are happy to stop and chat. They are more open to this type of selling.’
‘So, where do I fit into that theory? I said.
I think at this point he realised I wasn’t going to be ordering a new front door and that he had lost valuable ground. He decided to change tactics and appeal to my kind nature.
‘Well, we are very nice …and we are very pleasant.’
I looked at the little guy and then the tall, clever bugger and said, ‘No, he’s nice and pleasant. YOU aren’t – and you definitely need to review your attitude and sales technique!’
And I left. Fortunately, the trolley that only steered to the right, was taken by surprise at my sudden exit and veered horribly and hit him on the knee.
You see, it wasn’t that they were selling windows in Morrison’s, it was that they were forcing themselves on people – and that should not be allowed in my opinion. I have a problem with pushy, in-my-face people – and I am a Scorpio. Creep up on us, or stand in our way, and you’ll receive a quick stab of our tails. We will be guided, but we won’t be herded.
At all other times, I’m a pussy cat …possibly?