Mish-Mash …And A Cat That Can Only Climb Upwards …

Hi All

What a flipping weekend that was. A mish-mash of this, that and the other.  It started off rather badly on Saturday morning. The first ‘project’ on the agenda was to lay slabs for the base of a new garden shed. Another shed, actually. I collect them. I love them. Within five minutes I realised that the human power-house that is Richard was not a human power-house at all but a pathetic example of mankind. And you needn’t go feeling sorry for him either.

He has been moaning on for a fortnight now about a bad shoulder and every time I quietly suggested (bawled) that he went to see the doctor he gave some weak excuse. Eventually I smashed down all his defences and he went and is now on a course of anti-inflammatory capsules. I think they look like pessaries and seriously wonder if he is placing them in the wrong orifice – but what do I know?

Five minutes into slab laying he looked at me with puppy-dog eyes and grimaced. ‘You can’t do it can you?’ I accused. He shook his little bonce and that was that. Job abandoned.

Next on the list was the release into the garden of the wild one – Chea. With little purple collar snugly fitted and bell tinkling, out she trotted. The chucks ran off and Chea ran up a birch tree. Not, by the way, just any birch tree. A very tall birch tree. I have mentioned before that this idiotic kitten can only climb one way – up! After ten minutes of swaying manically at the top of the tree, the idea that she was stuck and couldn’t actually get down registered in her tabby-stripped head.

Ever heard a cat stuck up a tree? Every bedroom window within hearing distance of her cries opened and neighbours stood watching with smiles on their daft faces. We actually had one of our previous cats, Oscar, a Burmese, wedged in the bedroom window once, when we were out for the day, and neighbours had to try to release him from ground level with a line-prop. But, as they say, that is another story.

After twenty minutes and living with the very realistic fear that she was going to fall and impale herself on the pruned buddlia Richard ran for the ladder – well, walked quickly-ish.

With ladder hooked on a branch of the birch tree we called sweetly to encourage her towards the top of the ladder. No luck. After half an hour she managed to get down the tree to a point at which Richard could grab her. As is the case in these matters, I had worked myself up into a right strop thinking that she was going to fall and impale herself, so when Richard handed her to me I shouted at her, stropped off down the garden and dumped her in the kitchen, shouting at her again for good measure.

She spent the next two hours sulking and I spent those same two hours feeling like a right cow for shouting at her – even though she had frightened me half to death. Attempting to put matters right I clipped on the collar again and out we went. I’d just got her up the garden when a helicopter flew over the garden, frightened the proverbial out of her and she bolted for the house, terrified. That was the end of that!

Because I had spent half an hour with my neck bent, looking up a never-ending birch tree, the buggered-up discs in my neck jammed  and I woke on Sunday morning with the mother of all migraines.

Being the hero that I obviously am, I still accompanied Richard to visit his dear mother. The fact that she has ordered two signed copies of Mulligan was neither here or there. My migraines are weird and by no means wonderful. If I don’t eat …and eat …and eat …I die. So after a pop into Lidl to purchase four of their newly baked doughnuts, we dashed off to see Betty with me scoffing doughnuts and Richard giving me the evils because I was dropping sugar in the car.

Once there I attempted to focus on my two lovely paperbacks and with pen poised signed my name for the very first time. Disaster! I signed the wrong name! Jenny with a ‘y’ instead of Jennie with an ‘ie.’ What an idiot! What a complete and utter idiot. Richard of course said it didn’t matter because when I’m famous that copy will sell for billions. I have mentioned before, haven’t I, that he is not in the real world?

So I now have two buggered-up copies of Mulligan’s Reach. I blame it totally on the migraine but the truth is I’m an idiot.

When we arrived home, Chea would have nothing to do with me because I’d left her on her own all afternoon, even though I’d left the radio on for company. And when we went to corn the chucks and shut them up, Beautiful had laid a soft egg and was bleeding from the bum. So after separating her from Dust, who would have had no qualms about eating Beautiful alive at the sight of blood, I called it a day.

So all in all a pretty bummer of a weekend.

But at least we all made it through the incidents sent to try us. Beautiful  is OK today, but still separated, and hopefully this migraine will shortly pass. If I make less sense than usual please forgive me but at least I tried.

And if anyone would like two really messed up copies of Mulligan’s Reach with the front pages ripped out … ?

Take care my lovelies x





17 thoughts on “Mish-Mash …And A Cat That Can Only Climb Upwards …

  1. ME!! I want them BOTH, and don’t tear the pages out either. Every time I look at them I can then remember a certain very dear friend called Jennie Orbell – I think it could be – giving me a right royal earful for spelling her name Jenny once. 😀 I think it’s instinctive to shout when we’re frightened. Chea knows you only yelled bacause you love her. Great post – migraine notwithstanding. xxxxx


  2. Learning to speak cat was very useful. Years ago I read a batch of books on cat behaviour now when I want to yell at them I call them affectionately in a high pitched voice by a name ending in y, or if I want them to run from me I hiss. I blink to blow them kisses. I think they get what I’m saying but they give me condescending looks nonetheless. Hope Richard’s shoulder gets better soon.


    • Yes, yes yes. I agree with all you say. I have special ways of speaking to Chea that she responds to. She can’t do human so I do cat! I draw the line at climbing trees though! x


  3. Thias whole blog,like those before, was very real and quite (sorry) laughable. I could see the cat, high above, you with your heart in your mouth. They can do it, it would seem, for she got down far enough, they just want to annoy you, give you palpitations. It is a cat’s prerogative. Sorry for Richard’s shoulder. I know about such thjings and they are very painful. One who knows, here. Hope your migraine goes too, my nephew gets thos quite often and he has to go to bed with them. Roll on next weekend, eh?


  4. Thankyou for a wonderful blog as promised about the mishaps of Richard and Chea. I did giggle too. I find myself shouting at one of my dogs Sky, shes a border collie, and drives me up the wall with the constant barking, when someone comes to the door, or even walks past the window. Not sure if she is just telling me someone is there or begging me to let her out to go for a walk with whoever it is outside. I dont shout all the time though, she does get her cuddles as does Scout my labrador, who i think should actually have been a lion because of the size of him lol. Hope your feeling better soon my friend.


    • Thank you Jaki. Sky sounds adorable. I bought Richard a border collie, Meg for a birthday some years ago. We lost her 2 years ago but she was the best of dogs. So smart. So – human. I could control her from across a field with just hand signals. She loved new things and using her brain. I think border collies need brain exercise just as much as physical exercise. We still miss her terribly now.Give them both a kiss from me. x


  5. Poor Chea, she’ll need looking after since a terrible experience like that. I smiled a lot at all this Gail, but one thing intrigues me: as a base for a shed aren;t you going to cast a slab of concrete, ideally about 3″ thick? Or are you laying concrete slabs? The slabs weigh an awful lot, are you setting them on mortar or soil? And a torn sholder is absolute agony, and you have to watch your back clearly. Good luck with it, and the poor chicken with the sore bum (haemorrhoids?)


    • I knew you’d pick up on the mechanics of shed bases. No, we are not going to do it the right way with concrete. Just a slab base and then those long post things. 3″ x 3″s? Normally I would have done it. Richard is bigger but I am as strong at that kind of thing because his back is weak – but after the hernia repair I dare not touch massively heavy weights. The thought of having to undergo that hernia repair again fills me with fear!!! This chuck will have trouble laying now and again, then be perfectly OK. She would have met her end by now in a commercial set up. But I have them for themselves really. The eggs are neither here or there. Just an added bonus. x


  6. Hope your migraine is passing slowly but surely – tipping your head back for a prolonged period of time is not too clever on the blood vessels, discs, muscles and joints in your delicate little neck! Hope richard’s shoulder starts feeling better soon also x

    On an unrelated note, mulligan’s reach Paperback version officially now appears on amazon listings, if you type it in the amazon search bar.
    Whatever techno tweaking you did on the weekend totally worked – it doesn’t need your magic link to find it anymore on amazon.
    Either that, or i must have been looking on amazon in the in-between time period before your Paperback officially got put up on their listings page.

    In any case, copies ordered, should arrive in the next 7 days, and look forward to having them autographed… no pressure to get spelling correct! xxx


    • Ah bless you! 3 copies!! Well hopefully I will have learnt how to spell my name by then!! The migraine is, at last, lifting. This one freaked me out. Get ready with the heavy-duty massaging tool thingy!! See you soon and thank you for your much valued support xx


  7. Another brilliant and real blog again Gail, Your descriptions of the simplest of things draw pictures in my mind, this is an art. I will have a of a slightly damaged Mulligan’s Reach, I would love my mum to read it but can’t afford to buy her a copy from Amazon and she doesn’t have a way of reading an ebook. The slightly wrong signature would not matter to her, it is the story that she would love, she needs distractions from her husband who is suffering from severe Alzheirmer’s.
    Keep your chin up hun, well not literally it will hurt your neck, and give Chea a cuddle.
    Take care xxx


    • Thank you Adele. The ‘flawed’ books have now been attacked with the kitchen scissors and the mistake rectified – cut out! I could start a new craze. Paperbacks with half a facing page. Never let it be said that I’m not inventive.


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