It Wasn’t Nice But It Was Necessary! …

Good Morning All.

I’m a kind person, right?  And you all know for a fact that I adore my chucks and Chea, so it may come as a surprise when I divulge yesterdays trauma. It wasn’t nice but it was necessary.

With migraine buggered off and the broken back sprayed with painkiller off I limped into the garden and made my merry way to the ‘shed project’ where the next job was to move the compost heap. Chucks were scratching happily, murdering insects and bugs. Chea was playing happily, stalking the chucks and chattering to the wood pigeons who sat just out of reach cooing like a very bad, girl backing-group.

For the first hour all went well. When I realised that I hadn’t seen Chea for the last ten minutes I went in search of her little striped body and found her up the small conifer tree. She was stuck! Again! I laughed at the stupid animal and stretching up, grabbed her front legs and pulled her down. I left her sitting there and went back to my compost heap. Another ten minutes and I realised Chea hadn’t followed me back up the garden so again I went in search of her.

Her presence was only obvious by a shower of dead conifer fronds slowly falling like snow from the neighbours leylandii. This particular tree stands higher than the house roof! I instantly had a bad feeling about this particular adventure of hers. She was nowhere in sight. I called and called and eventually the tiniest miaow drifted down through the dense branches. I pinpointed the miaow at two-thirds up the tree. I decided that this time the stupid cat would have to find her own way down. It was at this point that the miaows turned into distress calls. I couldn’t even see her and Richard wasn’t due home for two hours. I knew that if I let her get to the top of the tree in would be a fire brigade job.

Suddenly my concern, rising terror and helplessness turned to sheer bloody annoyance. This sodding cat had tested every tree in the garden, got stuck up everyone and now she’d disappeared. I knew Richard would not be impressed when he came home to find Chea at the top of a tree and a fire engine parked outside. ‘Right! That’s it!’ I yelled into the tree. ‘It’s time you learnt that tree’s are NOT fun!’

I stomped off, rigged up the hose-pipe, dragged it into position and turned it on full, aimed at the very top of the tree. For a full minute nothing happened and then a slight movement disturbed the upper branches so I turned off the hose-pipe. Everything went quiet. So I turned the hosepipe back on. By now the tree looked like something growing in the Amazon rain forest with water rushing down the trunk and dead fronds showering down. I needed the ladder.

Struggling to get the ladder onto the top of the rockery and shove it up into the branches was a hoot. The water had shifted Chea. Good plan. Now it was all showering down on me as I precariously climbed the ladder into the lower branches. Huge flaw in the plan.

Standing on the top rung, hanging on with one hand, I could see Chea’s head. I coaxed her with a few loving words …believe that and you’ll believe anything, but she still wasn’t having it and began to climb back up the tree! With the effort of a super-human I made a lunge for her, managing to grab a back foot. This sent her mental and she dragged the foot through my hand, ripping open my wrist. I knew that I had one chance to get this cat before she disappeared so I grabbed her side and yanked. She screamed. Really screamed. And wrapped her arms around the branch, hanging on like a feeding leech. I managed to grab her scruff and pulled. And pulled. She screamed and screamed. The water and debris showered down.

I dragged her kicking and screaming through the dead branches, almost fell off the ladder, which tipped, before landing in a heap in the wet mud at the bottom of the tree. She sloped off into the kitchen and set about licking herself clean.

I spent the next ten minutes fishing up the tree trying to release her collar which she had lost in the battle. Obviously it hit me on the head .

As usual, later, when we had repaired our bond, Chea had scoffed some chicken and I had ventured back to my compost heap, the neighbour stuck his head over the fence and casually remarked, ‘Gail, was that your cat in distress?’ My cat in distress? Why is it that whenever I do ANYTHING some neighbour is watching? I took a deep breath and said, ‘No. That WAS my cat … but it was ME in distress!’ He gave me that familiar look that basically all my neighbours give me, stopping to take in my bleeding arms and face, my wet, conifer strewn mop, before nodding and disappearing  into his greenhouse.

I muttered for quite a while about stupid cats and bloody nosey neighbours and then I went back to the relatively calm job of moving a pile of chicken shit. Happy days!

I pray to all things holy and with wings that Chea has learnt her lesson because frankly I can’t take much more of this. My son is coming over tomorrow to replace ten fence panels so I’m going to ask him to take down the neighbours tree! More than one way to skin a stupid cat, sunshine!


Take care my lovelies x


PS I’ve bought her a little treat this morning from the supermarket. Because when all is said and done – I love her unconditionally. As you do!







27 thoughts on “It Wasn’t Nice But It Was Necessary! …

      • I always wanted a Burmese but got friendly with an expert who warned me they were er hum ‘naughty’ and as i had one member with a zimmer and another with cane decided agin the breed – my two while having small moments of rebelion are pretty quite breeds – younger cat being the ‘naughty’ one but as she chose to live indoors mostly dont have the tree problem:) woulodnt be without them:)


      • We travelled miles to fetch Oscar (Burmese) and were literally interviewed! At the time I thought she was just a bot over-the-top about finding homes for her beloved cats – years later I realised she was trying to ascertain if we were strong/mad enough to own one! One word to describe him – persistent. Oh, and vocal, VERY vocal. Having said this he has still left a huge hole in our hearts. Oscar and Mishka (moggie) lived to 15 and 19, so for many years we had ‘old’ cats, so having Chea, naughty and full of life is actually perfectly refreshing. I think!! Don’t quote me on that! xx


  1. Sorry Gail, but I had a good laugh (though n one of it was funny from your perspective) . Having previously owned 3dogs and 10 cats, not quite all at one tin though ome overlapped, your heart goes in your mouth when they pull these antics. Sad to say, I doubt that I’ll be her last excursion up a tree. I wish you strength to get through all her antics. Hope the wrist heals fine. One of my cats once decided that he wasn’t going o o hat I wanted him to do, and cat-gloved me. My hand, his four sets of claws and teeth. One claw hooked into the large vein on top of my hand with the result that my whole hand turned black for a while. And he was our current favourite, would lie in your arms like a baby for two hours if you let him.


    • They certainly are a law unto themselves Evelyn. I’ve become really fond of Chea. She follows me everywhere and like your cat loves to have a cuddle. And like now, I’ve come into the kitchen to use the laptop and she’s left the warm fireside and is lying at the side of the laptop. Hopefully she will learn x


  2. Sorry Gail, I shouldn’t laugh but I had to. That;s the trouble, when you shout at a cat, you feel awful afterwards, when they have probably forgotten. Sam, my smaller cat, once had a fight with a ghastly cat in the neighbourhood (he had ASBOs I think) and I broke it up. Sam went racing after ‘Blackie’, I held him by the tail, and he turned and bit me, almost puncturing right through my thumb. He never bites or scratches, and he didn’t mean to, just he was so worked up, he thought I was the enemy. Luckily the maniac has gone, and only nice neighbourly cats are nearby, I think they all go to discos and clubs together.


    • Oh no Geoffrey, do you mean Chea will go through the disco stage as well?? Give me strength!! I know that when they are freaked-out they attack anything that moves. It doesn’t even register that the hand belongs to the owner who dotes on them. It doesn’t seem to have damaged our ‘bond.’ She is still under the impression that I’m her slave xx


  3. No Virginia you are not the only one with nosey neighbours. I reckon mine hides behind his hedge spying on me. He put in another appearance today – when I had no idea he was there and almost frightened the life out of me. Mind, I suppose I am a source of entertainment hahaha. xx


  4. Hope you’re alright Gail and Chea has associated climbing trees with getting drenched and being dragged out. Silly cat! I have more than my fair share here too. I have a particularly robust and silly one called Rambo Jr. who is just nuts. My arms are covered in scratches from removing him from places he shouldn’t be. We have clipped his claws now thank God. I think my doctor thinks I’m self-harming. My neighbours think I have Touretts.


    • I’m hoping she has learnt her lesson. She’s tested every other tree and got stuck so maybe that’s it? I won’t hold my breath though! She’s still adorable – even with her kittenish quirky ways. Enough time for sedately curled up in front of the fire when she’s old, hey, and under constant veterinary treatment for failing this and that! I need to remember to enjoy these learning curves. xx


      • We are at the point where most of our cats are approaching middle age and are sensible. The kittens are approaching adulthood and testing boundaries too entertaining but testing our nerves simultaneously. Got to love them though!


  5. Jenny, what about declawing her so she can’t climb the trees?? That will surprise her if she has no “gripping” power! I would hate to see you break your neck trying to rescue her!!! Be careful out there!!


      • Your suggestion is perfect Patrick – well almost. Declawing isn’t acceptable here BUT you are right in what you say about shortening the nails. She’ll feel less adapt at climbing without needle-point nails to hang on with. The job will be done today – although, my son is here replacing fence panels so she is not allowed out. AND the horrible conifer will be the other side of the new fencing. Ha! Don’t mess with me Kitty! Have a good day Patrick xx


      • Haha I thought of putting a ring of netting round the tree so that she could only climb up a couple of feet before coming up against the wire? Lord, you’d think she was a puma or something! xx


      • My ex husband was a vet Babs. But yes I’m 99% sure it’s illegal here and I’d never do it anyway, anymore than I’d dock a puppy’s tail for aesthetic reasons.Or breed cats and dogs with no nasal capacity – the list goes on. But I DO usually cut Chea’s front claws – more for the protection of my furniture and my flesh and getting caught-up in sweaters etc! x


      • I trim claws too, I would never declaw, there are good reasons not to. Breeding animals is a minefield for the morally endowed, as I found out. I wish I’d stuck to rescue cats but then I wouldn’t have half the cats I have now and that would be a travesty and I’d still be under the illusion cat breeders are doing it for the cats.


      • Picking up on your last comment Babs I have to say cat breeders, like breeders of many other species do not do it for the cats! Frankly there are a lot of shit people in this world. But it is always sad when an illusion dies xx


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