No More Soaping The Hairy Bits …

Hi All

I’m here! My chiro lady, Archna, didn’t flatten me for insubordination! She did take a mile of notes though and will probably use them against me next time if I haven’t changed my ways. But that’s fine. The shed is up. The compost heap has been moved and a second one erected (we create a lot of shit in this house for some reason, hence two muck heaps) and the area for the new veggie plot has been dug over. Phew! I am NOT the self praising type but bloody hell, I am definitely praising myself on all I achieved last week. Except for the broken back obviously.

The Lord Richard continues to shuffle through each day. The abscess came to nothing and he pops off this morning to get the old shoulder scanned. He had a moment of panic yesterday. I was digging over the veggie plot, sweating and heaving and he bumbled up the garden and stood looking at me.

‘What?’ I said. What!’

‘How long are you going to be?’ he said.

‘Why?’ I said.

He ferreted with a glove which he had on his right hand and said, ‘If, when you come down to the house, I’ve got lockjaw and can’t open my mouth, I want you to know that I’ve just driven a rusty nail into my thumb and it’s swelling up.’

I sucked my teeth a bit and looked at him.

‘You do NOT get tetanus within thirty minutes you pillock. Haven’t you had a tetanus jab?’

‘I don’t know,’ he mumbled over his shoulder as he went back to mucking out the chucks cage.

Give me a break! Lockjaw? Can’t speak? If frigging only.

I asked him if he wanted me to go to the hospital with him today but the hero said no and that he would manage to find it on his own. Double pillock! The hospital is less than half-a-mile away. Of course all the nurses etc will fall for his boyish charms but then, they don’t know him.

As I write I can hear the shower blasting away. Even his showering ritual annoys me. He won’t use shower gel preferring to lather his hairy bits in soap. I have begged, cajoled and threatened him about using soap. It scums up the glass. But does he listen? No he does not. His mum bought him some shower gel for his birthday (two litres of the stuff) and yesterday he said he supposed he should use the bloody stuff or he would never hear the last of it. Eureka! I equipped him with a lovely pink, plastic sponge thingy  and away we went.

Ending today as I started, I would like to mention the kindness and thoughtfulness of others. Well, one other actually. As I slipped from Archna’s couch she produced a lovely little flowery gift bag.

‘For you. Congratulations on putting Starfish into paperback,’ she said.

I said, ‘Ahh thank you what a lovely little gift bag.’

‘Look inside it,’ she said, giving me that look of hers.

‘Oh,’ I said, removing the blue tissue and finding the sweetest little starfish paperweight.

‘I saw it and thought of you,’ she said.

Obviously I got a bit emotional and gave her a big hug, almost undoing the good she had just achieved with the old neck-discs.

Those words mean the world to me. ‘I saw it and thought of you!’

Archna had been on holiday in Antigua, saw a starfish and thought of me. I don’t need big overblown gestures. For someone to think of me is massive. Richard’s sister, Carol, sent a card through the post a few weeks ago. I opened it and it was simply a card with chucks on. Inside she had written, ‘I saw this and thought of you.’ I keep that card on my shelf in the kitchen and each time I catch it out of the corner of my eye I think of her.

Little things really do mean  a lot. At least in my world little things mean a lot.


That’s it for today my lovelies. You have been let off lightly! Seeds to sow. Richard to organise. A locked-jaw to prise open – or not!

Take care my lovelies x





6 thoughts on “No More Soaping The Hairy Bits …

  1. Defending Richard, yes, it’s always hard to remember if you;ve had the jab within whatever time limit it is, and I think it’s harmful if you have too many. So you have the shock of the injury, the bother of going to the hosp or doctor and then the worry about whether you had the anti tet. He’s had bad shoulder, pierced thumb and a tooth abscess. He needs a lot of sympathy – as do you of course Gail with your back and the terrible migraine. So many things doctors can;t cure, they just try and help you get through it.


  2. Awww! Very kind words about the starfish! Apart from being a little paperweight, It is also an ergonomic bottle-opener, and will serve as a magnet on your fridge/microwave etc. It is a super multi-tasker – just like you!

    Saying that, don’t over-do it in the garden, missy…. do take breaks inbetween… you got let off lightly last time x

    You are right about lock-jaw from tetanus – it doesn’t happen instantly! Incubation period is usually about 8 days to 3 wks… You are truly a fountain of knowledge… Richard is very lucky to have you as his personal medical advisor 🙂


    • Jack of all trades master of none – that’s me! And I know I got off very lightly. You were in a sympathetic mood that day, obviously.Just passed your little car parked outside the clinic – thought of you xx


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