To Bed On The First Meeting?

Hi De Hi

I’m back!  First major decision of the day sorted …waffles and syrup or crumpets and butter? Remember yesterday’s blog when I told you that this bloody head cold/virus/plague thing had taken me over rendering all decision-making hopeless? Well, I can see a little clearer today. Or, at least make a decision regarding waffles or crumpets. The fact that I chose crumpets and butter and that I now feel sick is neither here nor there. I made a decision! Whoop woo!

I shouldn’t really have said that I can see a little clearer today because frankly I can’t. The weird thing is …when I blow my nose, fluid leaks from my left eye. Strange huh? I have self diagnosed and decided I have a blocked tear duct. Either that or I’m leaking. Think I prefer the tear duct theory. Leakage is a horrible word and springs to mind horrible things. Leakage. Dreadful word. And colourful. Very colourful. Always yellowy brown.  Yuck.

So …putting aside leakage and hoping that this bug is gradually releasing my thought processes and decision-making, we go on…

I was just chatting to a friend on Facebook about taking chances. In this particular conversation it regarded taking chances with new people. A potential new relationship. A man! She hinted at the fact that maybe I wouldn’t understand because I have been in a relationship with Richard for 22 years … or something like that. It’s difficult to remember exactly how long it’s been when it’s all been such a blinding hoot! This made me smile because before this long-term relationship I ‘travelled’ freely. An innocent spirit blown here and there. Optimistically journeying on. Well you have to, don’t you? Until you find what you are looking for? I have never been one for accepting situations or people because it was the hassle free option. Because it was easy. Painless. Life, real life, isn’t like that. If you want something you have to go and find it. It’s a cliché’, yes, but it’s true, this isn’t a rehearsal. This is it. Start lacing up those walking boots …

I have come across many people in my lifetime who are scared poohless to take a chance in case they fail. In case they are left with egg on their faces. So what? It’s egg. It won’t kill you. The places that eggs come from might kill you. Trust me, I know! It may hurt your pride. But what’s pride? Something of your own making. It isn’t actually ‘real.’The irony is that the nicest people are scared to start new relationships in case they don’t work out. Because they have been hurt before. Because love hurts. Because it brings you to your knees.

I saw a similar scenario when I was dog grooming. People would bring their much-loved beasties to me and they would chat and tell me all about Fido or Florence and it was so obvious how much they loved their pets. And then, one day, the owner would ring and cancel the appointment because Fido or Florence had passed away. They often said they would NEVER have another dog because the pain of losing was too great. I understand this. I have said the same thing when my little loves died. But these people  SHOULD have dogs. They have so much to give. So much love. If they don’t settle it on a canine where does it go to? I fear it sinks, like leakage, to the bottom of their broken hearts and dies?  Some people should never give up trying to find another love,  canine or human, because they have so much love to give and to receive.

I’m not suggesting that my friend jumps into bed with some guy on the first meeting (unless she wants to of course – live and let live) and I’m not suggesting she should give the guy one of her kidneys on first meeting either, but for her sake, and for the love she has sitting waiting in her heart, I think she should give him a chance. Nothing more. Nothing else. No kidney.

And now, unless she rushes to Amazon to buy one of my books, I’m going to divulge her name …mwahhhh!!! HPIM2851 - Copy

See, my brain is beginning to work? Bribery now kicks in  …

 

Take care my lovelies x

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11 thoughts on “To Bed On The First Meeting?

  1. Tell her to go for it!

    I don’t want to go into too many details here in case my kids ever read this but suffice to say that I’ve had quite a few relationships over the years and many of those were with people I met online. Every single meeting resulted in bed on the first date. Now this sounds terrible but in actual fact I have had many superb friendships with those girls even where the relationship itself didn’t work out. While several relationships lasted just days or weeks, In many cases the relationships lasted a few years, in another it lasted for 8 years and with my beloved so far 11 years! In all but one of those relationships I could call the girl up tomorrow and chat as though we had only just parted and there would be no animosity as we parted on good terms.

    No matter where you meet a person and no matter how much you think you know about somebody before you meet them or even sleep with them there is no guarantee that the relationship will last. People change over time, they develop new habits, new dreams and new desires. This is natural. If two people work at it they can overcome most differences and develop together. Trying new things, keeping the relationship exciting in all aspects and learning to compromise are all things that can keep a relationship going strong. However in a few of my relationships my dreams and lifelong goals changed so dramatically that my girlfriends felt they needed to go a different route and we parted perfectly amicably.

    For example many years ago when I was in my early twenties I developed a dream of owning a cottage in the countryside with lots of land, the goal of self sufficiency already firmly planted in my mind even back then. I knew I would have to work damn hard and earn lots of money to get it so I took every promotion going in work and ultimately worked 60+ hours per week for nearly a decade in the drive for success. My long term girlfriend at the time wanted nothing more than to stay in the tiny urban house we had and instead wanted more quality time together. We could not agree on this and I regret us splitting up but we remain good friends and still send each other Birthday and Christmas cards even now. She found a new man who could spend more time at home with her and I eventually got my cottage in the countryside, the big garden and I too have since found a partner who has similar dreams as me. So while our original relationship failed, in its place are two much stronger and healthier relationships.

    I think people are more likely to change and develop their dreams when they are in their twenties. By the time we’ve reached 30 odd years old they have more or less refined their goals in life and are more stable so when two likeminded people in their 30’s get together I personally think there is more chance of long term success than when two people in their teens or early twenties get together but I do know of people that met when in their teens and are still together.

    In summary, you need to take risks in life in order to get the most rewards. Sometimes those risks don’t pay off but you have at least gained valuable experience.

    Ian

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  2. I should just clarify that when I said every date resulted in bed on the first night it didn’t mean love making in all cases. In several cases we got along so well together on the first date that at the end of the evening it felt as though we’d known each other for years and as a result felt equally natural to simply go to bed together to sleep!

    In my personal opinion though it is best to get the lovemaking out of the way sooner in a relationship than later. The reason for this is that when a man is with a women that he hasn’t yet slept with he will be in a state of heightened ‘tension’ and will have only one thing on his mind. This thing drives him to behave abnormally and he will go out of his way to keep the house clean, buy flowers, take the girl out to lovely resturants and generally be on his best behaviour during the ‘courtship’ ritual. Thus the girl is not really witnessing the more normal and genuine behaviour of the guy. However once a man has seen his girlfriend naked and has achieved his initial goal his behaviour reverts to normal. At this point the girl can now tell if this is the guy she wants to spend the rest of her life with as she’ll find out if he does normally keep the house clean, put his dirty laundry in a basket rather on the floor, shave daily and if he really does read books or have genuine interest in arts and culture as he’d claimed while ‘courting’ 😉

    PS. Really sorry if this is too much information. Being a very open sort of guy I don’t really know how much to say without causing upset!

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  3. It’s hard to type whilst laughing so much!!! I wasn’t laughing. And in fact had answered your first comment and just sent it into the ether when I saw your second comment. Now I’m not going to comment at all because I can’t stop laughing!!! Other than to say, am I getting you right? You claim you need to sleep with a bloke so that he can stop pretending to be thoughtful, clean, generous etc and see him warts and all? Hahahahahahahahahahah!!!!! Where’s Elaine? I think we need to have words. I do have to say that it’s a brilliant attitude/theory and it explains a lot. In particular why you think you are dating a prince and later find out he’s a frog!! Ian, you’ve made my day xx PS I do agree with everything you say in your first comment by the way – totally.

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  4. 🙂

    Glad it made you smile. Yes, OK the 2nd comment is slight artistic licence but being a bloke myself and having spent a long time with other blokes it is probably not too far from the truth. Not saying I’m like that but, er, actually, to an extent I am! – just ask Elaine how many bunches of flowers has she had off me in the last ten years and compare that with the number before our first ‘real life’ meeting (We’d been chatting online for many months)

    Of course for even suggesting that men don’t show their true selves or aren’t fully listening to what a girl has to say until after they’ve got their wicked way will get me thrown out of the brotherhood! 🙂

    Elaine will no doubt comment later as she is now back from shopping……(and isn’t speaking to me)

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      • She was only joshing with me so all is well in our household although she will no doubt ‘accidentally’ elbow me in the ribs when getting into bed tonight…… 😉

        This conversation does also raise the age old question of whether a man can ever really be close friends with a girl without having been intimate with her. I’m not talking about friendships based on people you meet out and about but rather friendships where both parties feel they can talk openly and honestly about everything and anything including their deepest darkest thoughts and desires.

        In my opinion a man can never be that close to a girl without having been intimate with her unless a) she is ugly, b) he is gay or c) her husband is a member of the mafia 😉

        Many men will claim they have such close friendships and many women will tell of men that they believe are very close but purely platonic friends but in all my years of working in mostly male environments and discussing this on many occasions I think if these men exist they are very, very rare! For the majority of men there is just too strong a physical desire to go beyond that platonic relationship . As a man it is also quite difficult to concentrate on what a girl is really saying or feeling when his attention is on parts of her anatomy. This problems vanishes once the intimacy has happened as something changes internally in the male brain and the girl is no longer seen as a potential conquest.

        I may be completely wrong and this is purely my own opinion. What do you think?

        PS. Has she asked him out for a date yet?? 🙂

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      • Phew! I’d have to take time-out to think about this one. I didn’t realise that the male brain was so complex – can’t say I’ve seen much evidence of it (snigger). And yes, my Facebook friend has arranged to see him in a week or two so It’s a matter of watch this space. I still think Elaine deserves flowers this weekend!! x

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  5. 34 long stem red roses were delivered to my place of work the morning of the day Mud and i were due to meet in person for the first time. Made the day of the elderly people who were having lunch at the day care center which is where the the occupational therapists I worked for had office space. Embarrassed me enormously ….. but then what woman wouldn’t mind being embarrassed like that?

    Up to that point the local florist was beginning to plan her retirement on the value of flowers Mud kept sending to me! Haven’t had a bouquet like that from Mud since the morning after our first meeting 😦

    He does buy me gifts, every now and then ………. parts for Annie which should be every Land Rover owners dream, apparently, oh and the occasional bar of chocolate. I asked Mud what he wanted for Fathers Days and his reply was ‘To have Ciggy finished!’ Says it all really … what hope do I have.

    Does that make his theory a self-fulfilling one?

    As for your friend, my advice would be to see how things go but you do have to take chances in life. I took a chance 11 years ago and whilst Mud isn’t Mr Perfect, is a little rough around the edges and could do with a bit more training, he’ll do (most of the time) xx

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  6. Mud sounds massively romantic compared to Richard. He’ll produce some dreadful carnations – which I loath – once a year if I’m unlucky. Frankly I think I’d rather bring in flowers from the garden. Richard thinks picking me up a family-size bag of crisps from Lidl is a gift!. Plonker! xx

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