Stone The Crows … Jackdaws Actually!

Hi All

Funny old day. You know how sometimes things just happen around you and you go with it? Richard has just texted to ask me if I’d like to go for a ride out when he gets home at 1.00 pm? Sounds romantic doesn’t it? I’ll have the stallions brushed and waiting, frothing at the mouth, chomping on their bits and off we will go, galloping towards the distant horizon, me girlishly giggling and Richard hanging on to his privates to avoid permanent damage. Ha ha. Blame the migraine medication. I do. I have to or else I’d really think I was barking.

No, we will go for our ‘ride out’ in the car. There will be an ulterior motive as to why he has suggested this ‘ride out.’ It will probably have something to do with coincidentally passing a Land Rover bits shop on the way and he will just quickly pop in for something. He said we could also have lunch out if I fancied it. Well if he thinks we are visiting the McDonald’s drive through he can think again. I refuse to have to witness him slurping his way through another caramel sundae!

I woke this morning to one of the chucks going berserk. Her extremely noisy tones vibrated through the 5.00 am morning air. I knew she wasn’t announcing the arrival of an egg. Perish the thought. All egg laying and anything remotely helpful to the shopping budget has been shelved whilst they have their poorly/resting episode. The only thing coming out of their butts at the moment does not require verbal expansion. I had a good look out of the bedroom window and after a moment of two a tortoiseshell cat, the size of a small bear, waddled down the path next door. This is a new cat on the block. I haven’t seen this little (huge) girl before and obviously neither had the chucks. Feeling for the neighbours, I went down and out into the garden and reassured Dust that it wasn’t a bear, it was a cat and that it had now sloped off. Have you ever reassured a chicken? No? I thought not. Again, we will blame it on the medication …

I didn’t see any point at all in going back to bed so I had a bit of a tidy up in the bread cupboard. I know most people have a breadbin but we eat rather a lot of bread and bread type stuff (waffles/crumpets/scones/crap in general) so we need a cupboard allocated purely to bread. I came across the tin with the fruit cake in it that I’d told Richard he could finish off. I’d made the cake over a year ago – no, it was OK – a rich fruit cake, injected with enough brandy and sherry to put a small person on his/her back, so there was no way this cake was going to go mouldy.

I like to keep a couple of fruit cakes available and brandied-up and then if a birthday or similar sneaks up on me I can whip out a cake and ice it. This was the last one and as I say, been around for a while, so the other day I put a bit of icing on it and told Richard we would eat it ourselves. I had a couple of pieces but frankly I didn’t like the under-taste. It tasted er … stale. And I think the glacé cherries were a bit suspect. They stared through the sultanas with a very dim eye. So I told Richard that he could finish it off because I was gong on a diet. Normally when I tell him something like that the cake is consumed within hours but this little fruit cake wasn’t so I brought up the subject last night and said if he wasn’t going to eat it I was going to throw it out for the birds. He just looked at me. I got the message. Poor thing.

‘You don’t like it, do you?’ I said.

He looked at me, weighed up my mood and then gently shook his head and said, ‘er…it’s a bit …dry. NICE but …er dry.’

So I threw it out on the roof for the jackdaws. Before I’d turned back towards the house the sky had darkened and a dozen birds landed on the roof. I watched whilst they tested the cake with their long beaks, tossing it here and there and arguing about who was having the biggest piece. It obviously appealed to them because they rammed it into their beaks and took off back to their nests to feed their young. I just hope no  baby jackdaw had a mind to leave the nest today because I’m not too sure they would be flying very straight. They are probably all rolling around in their nests, stoned and singing rude songs. Not too sure what all that fruit is going to do to their digestive systems? They’ll be fine. I’m sure of it. Richard has survived what he’s eaten but then he does have the digestive system of an ostrich.

Off to get ready for my ride out – and to chase up Chea. I haven’t seen her for the last two hours. I do hope a stoned jackdaw hasn’t landed on her head …

Take care my lovelies x

13 thoughts on “Stone The Crows … Jackdaws Actually!

    • Thanks Ian. We ended up by the side of the river at a little tea room thing. Lovely – until I saw a female mallard with a broken beak. Quite sad. She seemed to be managing OK though and Richard gave her the last bit of his bread and butter. x


      • You really are trying to kill me with laughter aren’t you Ian?? First yesterday’s side splitting comments and now this. The only thing Richard and Romance have in common is the first initial!! x


  1. Hope you have a nice drive out cos they say rain is headed for us from the west, so you might need wellies tomorrow. Or Sunday, depending. Fancy, trying out the cake on hubby. If my ex was anywhere aroubnd, I would ram it down his throat, but as I haven’t seen him in 20 some odd years, the likelihood of that happening is spurious, to say the least.l Did I say, I finished my novel yesterday. Oh, yes, it does have to be edited with a fine toothcomb but, I have come to an end. This morning I watched a BBC Horizon programme on cats this a.m. on my IPad. Did yiou catch that? It was interesting to see wehat cats did outside the confinement of their homes in Shamley Green, Surrey. Evelyn


    • Yes Evelyn I watched that cat programme last night. It was quite an eye opener. Strange how some cats used the same territory but at different times of the day and night. Good job your husband IS out of the picture or you might get banged-up for death by fruit cake ha ha. Are you having your romance professionally edited? x


  2. What is it about men and car shops? This could be a snapshot of my life, except for the chucks in the backyard, and I’d have them if our deeds allowed it. 😉 Great piece of writing!


    • Ah thanks Karen and welcome. It’s amazing – you think you are alone in your mad, mad life and then you find there are others just like you out there, ha ha. It’s a shame you can’t have chucks because they are very entertaining. The eggs are really a bonus. At least I don’t have to make any more fruit cakes until they start producing eggs again! I had to buy 6 eggs last week for the first time in 3 years and it seemed very weird!! xx


  3. Mud told me he wasn’t too fond of fruit cake but I love it and so a couple of years ago, I made the Nigella Lawson Christmas cake (the one you can make on Monday and start eating on Tuesday and is absolutely delicious) about 5 days before Christmas, anticipating having virtually the entire cake to myself. Mud condescended to try a small piece (No! Really! Don’t feel you have to!) and proceeded to polish about 1/3 of it off in the space of 24 hours …. oh and the Mudlets liked it as well (I do wish they’d act like normal Children sometimes – you know, the kind that don’t like fruit cake).

    Not to worry!

    The nature of the cake meant that I could make another one …… and guess what? Yep, didn’t get much of that one either!!! I think I made 3 in the end ALL in the week up to Christmas. I haven’t made THAT particular cake since (despite it being totally yummy) and have resorted to the tried and tested ‘Mud-doesn’t-ike-it’ kind that you start to make in October and lace heavily with brandy!

    Hope you enjoy your lunch out and the drive 🙂 xx


    • It’s amazing how people tend to not like something but manage to eat it! I have to hide EVERYTHING around here or there would never be a biscuit or cake in the house. I’ve got it off to a fine art though …I hide everything in the Bran cereal box. Richard would rather die than touch bran cereal. And I’m amazed your girls like fruit cake. As you say, most don’t. I love it because it can double up as pudding with custard. I’m a peasant aren’t I? x


  4. Gosh, I see you in a completely new light. How very domestic Goddess to have a cake handy! Visitors are lucky to get a biscuit here…the thought of you reassuring a chicken in your nightie at 5 am is rather sweet. I hope the new girl behaves, has she met Chea?


  5. Ah Babs you’d be surprised. I always cook 4 fruit cakes at a time and store them. I made my son’s three tier wedding cake as well. I’m quite talented really – I just hide it so well!!! If I remember I’ll pop a picture on here of a birthday cake I made and you will be SO impressed ha ha … Chea hasn’t met any other cats yet except Bobby who lives next door and he is a sweetie. In fact, Chea goes up the garden and Bobby sneaks in and pinches her food. I don’t mind because he is shy and sweet – and not at all threatening . He is often getting attacked by the miserable cat two doors up and I rush out and boot it away. I told Bobby’s mum that no one will beat up Bobby in my garden, bless him. Hope you and your little lot are well? xx


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