I’d Decided To Jump Off A Cliff! …

Hi All

It has been so long since I wrote a post (last Tuesday) that I have almost forgotten how – or indeed, why. During this time I have been dipping in and out of Facebook and picking up on others posts and reading some very sensible and serious offerings which again lead me to question the content of these posts. The content can only be described as ‘my ramblings,’ – nothing of importance or value really. Let’s face it, what can be that interesting about a cat, three chickens and a lovable but irritating bloke?

If I’m being honest – and I always try to be – I think the question of my health hanging over me hasn’t helped. I’ve been tootling along for the past three weeks, ever since having a brain scan, and pretending I wasn’t worried or in the slightest bit concerned. I think I was lying to myself. And I think this underlying worry, coupled with the side effects of taking  migraine relief drugs, has had its effect on my enthusiasm for most things. I do know that I haven’t really been myself.

I am usually a ‘let’s get to it,’ type of person and to lose my essence confuses and depresses me. BUT I am hoping that the light I now see is the light at the end of the tunnel…

On Tuesday I trotted along for my first Physiotherapy appointment on my fusing neck joints. In my head – the recently scanned one – it was going to be a total waste of time with some random physiotherapist printing off a sheet of exercises for me to embark on and that would be that. I wouldn’t do them because they hurt and they are a waste of time. As I sat waiting a guy appeared in a white coat. In the past I have had fragile little souls ticking my muscles and to no effect but this guy was different. Jamaican, as tall as a house and with hands the size of palm leaves. I figured that if he ever laid a hand on me it was certainly going to hit the spot. He was charming and lovely and spent a while on my history, then he asked if he could treat me. Yes, indeedy, he could. This is the point at which I should scream out something that I believe in totally …BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR!

The thumb in the neck was child’s play. No worries. Then he asked me to adopt a face down position. I obliged. He said, ‘it might be a bit sore’. I said, ‘bring it on.’ No gain without pain!

This mountain of a man with palm-leaf-size hands pressed so hard on my back that I couldn’t inhale or exhale. I just held my breath as he attempted to push me through the couch. It hurt. Really hurt. When he finally released me, and I sat up, I said, with hair everywhere and looking like I’d been dragged through the proverbial hedge, ‘If you had applied any more pressure I would have died!’ He laughed and said, ‘oh no, don’t do that’  Nice man. Obviously concerned about me already and we’d only just met. Then he added, ‘too much paperwork!’

He sent me home with a sheet of printed-out exercises! But, I’m doing them and they are helping. Miracle of miracles. This intrusive manipulation brought on a migraine within hours and I now have to seriously consider than my neck joints are a factor of this condition.MB900286650

I was told by my doctor, who said she would chase up the scan results, that I should phone the surgery on Wednesday. I left it until Friday. At this point I was still OK and I would be OK until I rang. Ignorance is bliss. On Friday morning I rang. Usually the receptionists will give out results but this time she hummed and arhhed and said she would get the doctor to ring me. Brilliant. Obviously there was something on the scan.

I spent the rest of the day worrying and coming to the following decisions in the following order – If the results were positive I’d drive to a very tall cliff and jump off. No. If the results were positive I would simply drop the ‘tough guy’ routine and go to pieces. No. If the results were positive I’d deal with it. A bit of time spent resting in hospital having my head opened up wouldn’t be that bad. I could deal with that. So, when, at 2.30, my mobile rang I picked it up immediately. The doctor said, ‘hello, you wanted the results of your scan? They are normal.’

‘Are you sure?’ I said, only your receptionist seemed very unsure,’

‘Scans are not as simply to read as blood test results,’ she said. ‘The terminology is far more complicated. But you are fine.’

‘Really?’ I said, ‘no little borderline or grey areas waiting to erupt?’

‘No little grey areas,’ she said, laughing. ‘In fact it’s as normal as normal can be.’

‘Are you sure it’s my scan?’ I said.

‘Yes,’ she said. ‘It’s your scan. And it’s normal.’

So, I’ve been beaten to a pulp by a very large Jamaican gentleman, suffered a migraine, been zonked out by beta blockers, been informed that I do have a brain and that it’s OK (at the moment) and questioned the value of crap content on this blog.

If I make it through the day I’ll try to be back tomorrow.

Joking apart, thank you for sticking with me through this ‘awkward’  few weeks. I know I’ve been boring and low-key and threatening to send Chea back to the RSPCA but I’ll try harder, I promise.

Take care my lovelies x (and I really do mean that)

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12 thoughts on “I’d Decided To Jump Off A Cliff! …

  1. Oh Jennie… -hugs- BIG hugs. Been there, done that, still here. 🙂 From what you’ve said your migraines are caused by your neck. I don’t go to a physio but I have been going to chiropractors for close to 40 years and I don’t think I’d still be moving if I didn’t. A couple of years ago, I took my daughter’s boyfriend to see our chiropractor because he was getting migraines – at 22. The treatment fixed the migraines. Please keep going back to your lovely Jamaican man. The treatment won’t work overnight but it will work, especially if you also do the exercises. Chin up – literally.

    Oh and some of us really enjoy your ramblings. :p

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      • I’ve had two major health scares in my life and ‘scared’ was the operative word. But everything that doesn’t kill you truly can make you stronger. If I hadn’t had the most recent scare I might still be tinkering away at my writing ‘hobby’ without ever having the courage to make it public. That is my silver lining. Succeed or fail I’m now doing something I really want to do.

        We both know life is too short to just coast. 🙂

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      • I am a firm believer that a positive can come from a negative. Sometimes we get ‘stuck’ on the main road of life and never think of detouring down that little lane. Sometimes we need for life to boot us off the road and make us explore other avenues. Crikey …that was a bit deep for a Monday, wasn’t it? ha ha Take care my friend xx

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  2. Gail, be good to yourself, you aren’t a machine. Your blogs would be highly enjoyable no matter how often you write them, please don’t stop. They give me much pleasure and something to look forward to. I’m glad scan results were normal and I understand your anxiety and scepticism. That Jamaican physio sounds like a hoot! I hope you see him again, his exercises are actually helping! Huzzah! Hope you can find forgiveness for Chea, she’s just being who Mother Nature intended her to be, who are we to dispute it? But I feel for you and understand your repulsion.

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  3. So glad to hear that the results were normal, Gail. Now take a deep breath, stop beating yourself up and please continue writing. I do so love reading your blog.

    Have to agree that it sounds very like your neck is the root cause of the migraines – probably the tension due to expected pain …. oh and probably worrying about what was causing them and believing (no matter how rational you were trying to be) that you had a serious, underlying problem, won’t have helped.

    I think a little down time is needed – maybe a meal out, or a spa treatment (I dream of being able to go to a spa and being totally pampered), or retail therapy 🙂

    Take care xx

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    • Thank you Elaine. Do you know, I have never been to a spa in my life – or been pampered for that matter. That’s what comes of being ‘tomboyish’ and not ‘pink’ I reckon. But even if I don’t make it to a spa, as you say, I can stop beating myself up quite so much!! xxx

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  4. Don’t feel guilty about dealing wih life your way. It takes all sort to make a world; there is a place for everyone and everyone has place! – Wise words from my Grandmother.

    So pleased you have turned that most dificult of corners.

    Bring on the cat, and the chucks and the light of your life, El Richardo!! – See, that puts the romance back. Perhaps a week or two in Spain would hit the spot?

    Janet x

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  5. What a relief. And how awful to have the agonizing wait for the doc to ring. The receptionist could surely just have explained that the doctor hadn’t looked yet, or that it needed interpretation and not to worry. Doc receptionists can be so stupid and thoughtless sometimes. Why should you have had to worry like that for hours? The Jamaican physio sounds like a nice man – maybe a bit too enthusiastic!

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    • Sorry I didn’t reply before Geoff but for some strange and weird reason your comment was sent to my spam folder??? Fancy spamming you! What next? Yes you are right, these receptionists can be a bit vague. I realise that they are not qualified or probably legally allowed to do much. Fortunately we do have a few good doctors in this practice who will take the time to listen and respond. Mind you, they have only adopted a ‘telephone ring-back’ system in the attempt of keeping surgery numbers down. Whatever. For now I’m OK and continuing to smell the roses etc… and for that I thank the man upstairs xxx

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  6. Ha ha Janet, what ARE you like. Now that I’ve got these bloody chucks and cat I’ll be going nowhere for a whole fortnight. I’d spend the whole time worrying about them. I’m an idiot, I know. Perhaps I’ll sneak two days at the east coast in September when Richard is next off? xx

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