With A Little Thought You Too Can Find The Perfect Birthday Gift!

Hi All

So what’s been happening since I last blogged? Well …I’ve had a birthday, not that I honestly take much notice of birthdays now. I guess I should really, you know, celebrate another year on the clock, and the fact that I’ve actually made it through another year without being imprisoned for murdering Richard.

Yes, I know certain followers of this blog love him, Malla for one, but then you guys and gals don’t live with him …though, I like to think that he lives with me.

Would you love him so much if he celebrated your birthdays how he celebrates mine?

As I opened my eyes on my birthday morning he appeared like the genie of the lamp at the side of the bed with a mug of tea and an envelope.

‘Thought you might like to open your card up here?’ he said, handing it to me. ‘I think you’ll like it, this year.’

Did you catch the two words that he’d added on there? “This year.” Richard’s cards are crap – basically.

Knowing that I wouldn’t like the card I forced a smile and opened it. Blinding me, on the front of the card, were the 2 numerals declaring my age and a stupid heading saying, ‘Even though you are (the 2 numerals) you are still cool. The picture was of an ancient being, wizened and bent, dressed in a jogging suit and a pink headband hobbling down the road. I placed the card on the bed and looked at Richard.

He left the tea and disappeared mumbling something about him having thought it was a really nice card but obviously he’d got it wrong AGAIN!

If he could be as good at getting things wrong as he is at getting things right he would be the perfect man. More was to come.

Set out on the long kitchen table was a birthday cake and a very pretty gift bag. I refrained from letting my optimism soar because, as I say, I know Richard. I sat down and he gently pushed the bag across the table. It looked rather full. Could I have got it wrong at last? Could he have got it right?

I slipped my hand into the bag and my fingers wound around a large, shiny object. I secured it tightly in my hand, because it was quite heavy, and lifted it from the pretty bag …and stared …and then glanced at Richard …and then stared some more.

‘Slug pellets? These are slug pellets!’

‘Yeah, I know,’ he said. ‘I know they aren’t really a birthday present …but I know you said you needed some.’

I opened the other item in the bag and that was a pretty chicken ornament thing for the kitchen windowsill. It was OK, nice in fact, because I’d seen it in a garden centre a few weeks ago and remarked on it.

Later, when my son and grand kiddies came over with their little gifts, all of which I loved, Jake (7) asked, ‘Grandma, why have you got slug pellets for your birthday?’

I really didn’t want to say, ‘Because Granddad is a thoughtless idiot.’ and ruin Jake’s extremely high opinion of a really fun granddad …so I didn’t.

The following day I journeyed up the garden and lovingly scattered the slug pellets around my netted-off spring cabbage babies. If anyone tries to tell you that slugs hibernate don’t you believe it. The little sods still risk the wet and cold to munch on next year’s potential harvest.

The garden is almost sleeping now and the chucks are in their element, having been allowed up into the vegetable garden bit. The ground is covered with apple tree leaves and birch leaves and many other types of leaves and the chucks love scratching through the drifted heaps, exposing the last little surviving bugs of the summer. The sound they make as they rustle the drying leaves is like music to my ears – but then, as we all know, I’m weird.

But possibly not quite as weird as someone who purchases slug pellets for the love of his life’s birthday?

I am SO looking forward to Christmas and my ‘surprise’ gift/gifts.2014-04-21 15.42.22

 

Take care my lovelies x

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26 thoughts on “With A Little Thought You Too Can Find The Perfect Birthday Gift!

  1. at the risk of ruining your birthday even more, now would not be a good time to mention that slug pellets can kill hedgehogs? Apparently they eat the poisoned slugs…
    But many happy returns anyway! (I got a can of deodorant once!)

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  2. This of course is a possibility, however, I find that after eating the pellets no slug makes it back out of the netted area and nothing any bigger than a slug can make it in. Also, in the 24 years that I have lived here I have never seen a hedgehog in my garden but that could be due to the fact that the boundaries are all heavily wired to keep foxes out and the chucks in?

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  3. Ha ha I can so relate to this! What is it with men and inappropriate presents? One Christmas a huge shiny present appeared beside the Christmas tree… I say beside as it was far too big to fit underneath. My boys and I all looked at the present with wide eyes. It had my name on it, yes MINE! I waited an entire week to open it, on Christmas day, ripping off the paper in avid excitement. So what was in the massive box you ask? A sound bar for the television. Yes, a bloody sound bar. I was dumbstruck. Had I been able to lift it, I would have smacked him round the head with it. But I couldn’t, so I didn’t. Humph. Happy Birthday 🙂 xx

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    • From what I know about sound bars I’d definitely say that was more for ‘him’ than you, Jen? BUT can you beat this? One birthday Richard told his mother that I needed a doormat when she asked what I might like!! And I came home to find not only a doormat in situ but a bloody awful doormat at that! 😀

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  4. Your life nevet ceases to amaze me. Not that I ever got decent presents from my Ex that Zi cn remember. But this is most men, I fear, Gail. But, the way you tell it! I love it. Ho Ho Ho! I wonder what Santa will bring. I door knob for the chicken coup? A bag of concrete if you decide to do your pathway again? The mind, as they say, BOGGLES!!!
    Evelyn

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    • To be honest Evelyn both of us ask the other, “What do you want for your birthday, Christmas,” etc. and neither of us know, so we tend to buy each other something throughout the year if either sees something they like. It tends to work out quite well that way xx

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  5. I can only empathise strongly with the slug pellets incident and to prevent further crushing disappointments myself, I have negotiated a truce with my husband whereby I choose, buy and get the retailer to gift wrap my present at his expense. The cards are still totally tacky as I cannot bring myself to by send those too. However, what makes me feel like my heart is being squeezed in a vice is when I look at all the gifts and cards I buy him with thought, love and great consideration. It really is a marvel that I haven’t murdered the twit in his sleep.

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  6. Lol, oh dear. Happy belated birthday 🎂 🙂

    In this area, Mud is different to Richard …..though this may well be due to the list of potential gift ideas which I write and then entrust into Middle Mudlets keeping 😀

    xx

    P.S. One year I actually cut a picture of the exact item I would like out of a catalogue and stuck it to the list …this worked a treat 😉 😀

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  7. I may be wrong, but Richard seemed very kind and considerate. He remembered, he went to trouble of getting a card, and the chicken model was the real present. He went to a lot of effort to get it right, but somehow women always seem to misunderstand the best of intentions. I suppose women find men as hard to understand as vice versa.

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