So, call me suspicious but when the normal pattern isn’t followed I DO become suspicious.
You see, the ‘normal’ morning pattern for me is to be toddling around the place when Richard comes down. Sometimes, I’m sitting at the kitchen table on the laptop. Sometimes I’m splashing water around in the sink, pretending to be washing stuff. Richard shuffles through the door and says, ‘hello, babe, you OK?’
How sweet, you might think, what a lovely bloke, until I tell you that he’s talking to Chea, the cat. Babe responds with a kitty trill and receives a tickle between the ears. (She’d also receive a kitty treat if I hadn’t banned him from giving her treats. She almost broke the scales at the vets when she had her booster last month). I, meanwhile, tap away on the laptop or continue splashing water.
Sometimes we grunt at each other. These days that passes for, ‘good morning light of my life, how are you on this fine morning?’
This morning the ‘normal’ pattern wasn’t followed, even Chea didn’t get her tickle between the ears. I was at the sink, actually washing his wine glass that he’d left from the night before.
He sidled up to me and said, ‘could you do me a favour?’
Now, this comment, linked to the fact that I never receive the first words out of his mouth of a morning, coupled with the fact that he was still in his dressing gown, concerned me slightly.
‘Depends what it is,’ I said, looking him up and down.
‘Could you look in my ear and tell me if there’s anything in it? It’s full of wax.’
‘If it’s full of wax it’s full. If it’s full – by the very meaning of the word – you can’t have anything else in it.’ Cleaver hey?
‘You know what I mean,’ he said, tugging at his earlobe.
I took a glance at his ear. ‘I can’t see anything. Go and fetch a torch.’
With torch in hand I peered into a hairy orifice.
‘Well, what is it?’ he said.
I was seriously tempted to tell him that he had a bug in it and that it would work its way to his brain (hard journey) and that he would walk in circles for the rest of his life. (I’d once seen this on a wildlife documentary when it had happened to a poor wildebeast) but I didn’t.
‘Wax, just wax, why do you let them get to this stage?’
‘What!’ he shouted. ‘I can’t hear you.’
Idiot.
I made him sit at the table, with his head tilted, and reached for the olive oil – I might add my super-duper extra, extra, extra virgin olive oil. I tipped some into a teaspoon and trickled it into his ear. Then I massaged it – quite hard – because it pleased me to do so.
‘There you go, we’ll put oil in every day till it softens and then we’ll take it from there.’ I reckon I can probably find some kind of suction device, a bit like a sink plunger, and have a go with that. That’ll soon get Mr Naughty Ear Wax out! I tell you. My life rocks.
He stood up and walked away, with his little head still on the side, in the search for a bit of cotton wool to stop the oil leaking out. I put my precious olive oil back in the rack and then, realised, as my precious olive oil was already there, that I’d actually filled his ear with an extremely cheap cooking oil.
Never mind, as long as he doesn’t sit with that side of his head next to the wood burner tonight he’ll be OK. Wouldn’t want him to fry his brain . . . would I?
I’m now going to take this opportunity to wish all my readers/followers/friends/those who only read my blog posts because they think I am crazy/sick/mental blah, blah, blah, A MERRY, MERRY CHRISTMAS. I wish you peace, happiness and love, whether that comes from making new memories or reliving old ones. I’ll be having a quiet Christmas with Richard – and Richard will be having an even quieter one – because he has wax in his ears and cannot hear!
Bless you all xxx
Well, you nearly had the bill for the repair of my laptop keyboard, but luckily I put my tea down before I go to the cheap cooking oil! Happy Christmas Mrs 🙂
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Yeah, letting myself down a bit admitting to CHEAP cooking oil, hey? And right back at you . . .have a lovely Christmas 😀
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With any luck the olive oil might float the wax away itself, without the need for suction pumps, or sadistic nurses with warm water pumps. Let’s hope Richard’s hearing is soon back to normal. Happy Christmas Gail and RIchard, and of course Chea.
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Thank you Geoff – and fondest Christmas wishes to you too xxx
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OK, that is about fifty levels of gross! … I definitely would’ve told the bug in the ear story!
Merry Christmas. 😀
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Ohhh I never realised you were so cruel 😀 Have a great Christmas 😀
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Reblogged this on Anita Dawes & Jaye Marie.
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Thank you xxx
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You’re wrong about the reason we read your blog you know… we read it because you always share such fascinating subjects, ear wax notwithstanding! Seriously though, you make us smile, a lot…
Merry Christmas to you all… and see you in the New Year…
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How kind – thank you. Though they do say it takes one to know one so it’s just possible that we might both be a tad crazy? * * * * * Merry Christmas to you both – and I’ll catch you on the other side xxx 😀
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Lol x 2….The sink plunger treatment on YouTube would go viral.
Happy Christmas to you and yours
Roger
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That’s it then, Roger, my claim to fame? YouTube! And Merry Christmas to you and yours too. Have a lovely day. xx
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Just read this Gail. Why do I not get your blogs straight to my page any more? Hope the ear wax got sorted out out. Married life, eh?
Evelyn
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The ear wax has indeed been sorted. The practice nurse had the pleasure of removing it. Now, poor Richard can hear me very clearly! Try clicking on ‘follow’ again and see what happens? I’ve just done that on your blog. 😀
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