The Best Laid Plans Of Mice And Men Often Go Awry

I’ve said now, one or two times, that I’m coming back and I am . . . but I wasn’t coming back today.

Today, because ‘he’ is out all day, I’d planned to do something with yeast. Nothing weird you understand, I haven’t sunk quite that low yet and even if I had I wouldn’t know where to start . . . I mean, who would? Though, Google probably would. Just a thought.

Anyway, the plan was still fresh in my mind as I manoeuvred my painful hip from my pit and wobbled to the bathroom.

It was there, in the bathroom, that all plans fell apart.

I sneaked the bathroom scales slowly towards me with my big toe and stepped on and it was at that point that I realised I would not be doing something with yeast until possibly 2022?

First, I haven’t the faintest idea where 5 extra pounds have come from and second I haven’t the faintest idea of how to get rid of them, although one small idea sprang to mind – stop scoffing bloody cinnamon swirls and don’t make another 2 batches today!

When I say ‘I haven’t the faintest idea where 5 extra pounds have come from,’ of course I know, I’m not stupid, it’s that old calories in/calories out thing but . . . if you could witness, just once, how hard I work at the wood pulling out mile-long blackberry brambles, lugging trees around etc. you would think, as I do, that there isn’t a floating calorie left in my blood stream by the end of the day.

I do have one theory. I reckon it’s 5 pounds of extra muscle that I’ve built up. Come on, who could work like a little carthorse and still put on weight?

I do have a second theory. Could it be that I’ve almost exhausted Netflix and Amazon’s series? In my defence I have to say that I don’t sit watching them in the mornings, just with my lunch . . . and afterwards while I have a couple of lollipops for pudding – Nobbley Bobbley lollies are to die for. Oh, and I do quite like Tesco’s own brand crisps. We have deliveries from Tesco now and it’s bloody brilliant, I mean, their mixed bags of crisps contain 30 packets, yes, 30 packets! I do leave the prawn cocktail ones for Richard – he’ll eat just about anything. The packets are quite small so you need 2 . . . or 3 while watching Corrie. Of course then you fancy something a bit sweet so I’ve also discovered Lidl’s peanut choco bars, again quite small so . . .

I think there are a couple of carrots in the bottom of the fridge – I’ll have a munch on those – should sort it out in a jiffy.

P.S And don’t for a minute underestimate how much energy goes into driving Eric – named after my late father because he too was old, grey and a hard worker.

Mind, he’s poorly at the moment.

Catch you soon. Off for a healthy fruit tea and a tiny piece of cake – left over from my birthday. Be rude not to eat it.

Seriously? Take care and stay safe xxx